Now it seems people are only as valuable as they are marriageable. Every interaction between singles is tinged with commodification: What can you do for me? How much can you provide? How well can you love and serve me?
Tim Urban describes our inability to fully comprehend this idea of “The One,” arguing that “thinking about how overwhelmingly important it is to pick the right life partner is like thinking about how huge the universe really is or how terrifying death really is—it’s too intense to internalize the reality of it, so we just don’t think about it that hard and remain in slight denial about the magnitude of the situation.”
According to one article, “Every suitor is a potential husband, and every woman is a possible wife . . . Who you choose to marry is the most important decision of your life. More than anything else, it will dictate your future happiness and success.”
That feels like a pretty heavy weight to carry on a first date, but we do it.
Some of us embrace the courtship mentality and think that through overanalyzing, praying, and marriage-centered dating we can actually take control of the situation. However, this method is self-defeating. In seeking the perfect relationship, we will eschew genuine, intimate relationships that develop as a result of grace, patience, and love being required and extended.
… but maybe FOBO (“fear of better options”) is actually dictating our dating. Am I picking the right person? What if I’m settling and then “The One” shows up in a year?
In her article, Joy Beth Smith discusses about the importance of intimacy and vulnerability – and how these help us rethink trends and expectations that stem from today’s online dating culture.
How Tinder and courtship are hurting my game by Joy Beth SmithJoy Beth Smith is the editorial coordinator for Today’s Christian Woman. You can follow her on Twitter at @JBsTwoCents, on Instagram at @JBstwocents, or on her website JoyBethSmith.com.
