When I think about attention, the first thing that comes to mind is a good friend who is (mentally) present when we talk. He asks me about something and genuinely listens to my answer.
“Attention is the act or power of carefully thinking about, listening to, or watching someone or something” (Encyclopedia Britannica)
Attention is also when we are engaged in an activity and our focus is there. Our mind and body are truly engaged with it because we like it. Or we could think of the Hero who is in a sudden danger and with all his wit and skills he works on his salvation. His attention is fully and single-mindedly on the mission at hand.God and His word require our attention, too. Our most serious one.
Our boss (human) would be quite frustrated if we wouldn’t give attention to him/her and didn’t heed his/her instructions.
“Attention, in psychology, is the concentration of awareness on some phenomenon to the exclusion of other stimuli.” (Encyclopedia Britannica)
We can see that it is something that we do consciously. Indeed, attention is a very core aspect of our daily life. It is not independent of us and it has an immense effect on us in many ways. However, I would like to focus on its social aspects and how we (should) practice it as individuals in different circumstances.
Our attention depends on many things, like whether we are interested in a topic; whether we are preoccupied with something else; who is the person talking to us; what are our physical circumstances, etc. These circumstances will have an effect on us (how we are going to receive any information) and indirectly on the speaker/conversation partner as well. As a result of the situation, it is going to affect the outcome of a meeting, the result of a deal, or the emotional turn or development of a relationship.
To better understand how it works in a conversation, we can ask ourselves, what could be behind the act of my attention? (which might be there, or might be divided or even carelessly absent) When having a professional or academic discussion with a colleague, attention says: “No, I don’t know it all. I happily admit that I need to listen in order to understand or understand better.”Absence of attention in the same situation might mean that: “I am not interested, or I don’t find my partner interesting; or the topic is not relevant”, or ” I know it better anyway”.
The way we give attention is displayed and expressed verbally and non-verbally. If we can see the signs (body language, facial expression) and can “read our partner”, we will see if she/he is attentive. How much, or how little? And vice versa, she/he can read us as well. So our attention will have a fundamental effect on our conversation and its possible outcome. No wonder, it is able to turn a monologue into a refreshing conversation. While the lack of attention is a turn-off, careful attention can enhance the quality of our conversation.
Attention is “an open door for new things”. It opens up our minds to things or ideas that may be beyond our own thoughts, experience or knowledge. It allows us to reach new and unknown areas of knowledge, awareness, etc. By doing so, it respects and elevates the importance of the object at hand and so it gives respect to the speaker as well. “Attention requires “submission to things that have their own intractable ways,” Crawford writes, “whether the thing be a musical instrument, a garden, or the building of a bridge.” For Crawford, attention is never self-enclosed. It is not self-gaze. It is a form of devotion to the other. Attention requires not simply that we look up (from our phones) but that we look out—beyond ourselves.”Christianity Today – Jen Pollock Michel – 29 December
[Matthew B. Crawford, The World Beyond Your Head]
While I am attentively listening it creates “time” for me to observe, take in, digest, and reflect. (Instead of cutting in, responding abruptly, or even lecturing my opponent immediately) Bluntly said: no attention = no observation. Everyone can feel the comfort of an attentive conversation compared to one that is smoked with the signs of disrespect, superficiality, and divided attention. If we are on the “receiving” side of such a conversation, we might remember it for years. If we have done such a thing to someone else….well, you surely don’t want to do it to a good buddy, a sister, or your wife.However, we need to guard and direct our attention wisely. Not everything that claims our attention is worth our attention. There are things that we want to observe, listen to, watch, etc. and there are others, that we don’t.
Lack of attention is still detectable and may be rude even if you do it unconsciously. If you are not interested, be clear about it and do it in a professional and polite manner.
If, however, we struggle to give attention – while actually, we wish, we would – it might be because we are tired – I am sure it has happened to all of us. Or It might be also because we don’t have this “pattern of behaviour” in our culture. Maybe we have never met anyone who gave attention to us, so we never had the chance of enjoying others’ appreciative attention. It is also possible that we don’t give attention because we cannot resonate with the topic we are listening to. Yet even in this case, there is a polite, fair and correct way to act.What if you are willing but it is a real challenge to maintain your attention? (I could think of a really old friend, whose topics are so outdated, but it keeps him alive to recite those grandma stories). Yeah, that one takes extra effort. Mental and even physical effort in many cases. And this effort will honour your conversation partner.
One may wonder how should we show and affirm our partners that we do give them attention? If we don’t give attention, does that mean that we ourselves don’t need attention from others either? Is the attitude of not giving attention a game of power? I might think of an elevator conversation between a manager and a simple worker. The “mighty” boss would ask superficial questions but not really listen to the answer. His whole body language communicates that “I am engaging in a conversation with you but I know my value and we know your value. I give you a morsel of my attention – as your superior and you may respect and worship me for this.” Do you think, others can read your attitude when you withhold your attention? We talk about attention that is like a gate through which information can enter and exit. It is a mutual activity and not expressed or linked to only one party of a conversation. Hence it is important to detect it and not only have it displayed on your side. Can you read others well? Are you able to detect whether they are interested in what you are saying or do you notice when they are disengaged? If they have lost interest in what you are saying; how can you similarly make a polite end to the topic at hand? Alternatively, how might we respectfully inquire if the topic is still relevant or engaging for the other party?
